my post for today will tackle a little bit personal. I hope it will open your eyes to the reality of who we are and the reality of the world . A few months back, my cousin was talking to me about the end of a relationship she had been in for a few years. As she was explaining it from her standpoint,she said she “couldn’t just love her for who she was.” A week after, I had another conversation with someone who had lost her job, apparently because of her attitude and inability to get along with some of her co workers. “I was just keeping it real and saying what’s on my mind,” she told me. “If they can’t respect that, I don’t know what else I could have done.” There is a widespread view that people need to accept other people unequivocally for who they are. To expect you to act in a way contrary to your nature or to change who you are as a person is a completely unreasonable demand.
BECAUSE:
1. There are parts of your character or life that are not that awesome.
2. You are not one person.(no man is an island)
3. You are not immutable – most of the traits that make up who you think you are? They’re changeable.
4. It is appropriate for people to expect things of you, to want you to be better than what you are.
When your boyfriend tells you you’re too quick to anger or you don’t show him you love him enough, he’s probably right. When your supervisor tells you you are lazy and undisciplined, he or she is probably right. When your buddies tell you you’re arrogant or selfish, they’re probably right. It’s hard to hear we’re not all we think we are. But it’s critical we have a feedback loop to wake us out, because we’re simply incapable realizing and determining ourselves as we truly are. The thing is you know this already. There’s a reason self improvement. You’re willing to listen to some authors of magazines/contents to tell you that all you're hot – why can’t you listen to people who truly know you? This need is magnified for people who are high achievers. It can be easy to get used to hearing about how talented and smart you are, which makes seeing your flaws even more difficult. Most people who are close to you don’t fit this description. It’s more likely the criticism is coming from people who love you and want you to improve . You Have Multiple personalities When people argue others should love them for who they are, they’re ignoring the fact that there are a multitude of personalities living inside of them, battling for control. You are a bundle of paradoxes. You’re energetic and depressed. You’re organized and a slob. You hope and you fear. You’re a good person who fights with unacceptable behavior and arrogance and anger and pettiness on a daily basis. So when you want someone to love you for who you are, which one of you are you talking about? Most or all of your persoality are is changeable. I’m not the person I was 3 years ago. Neither are you. The argument that someone should just love you for who you are is foolish because who you are right now is far different from who you used to b before and who you will become as time goes by. We are constantly in flux. Habits change. People love to hear anyone can be creative. They hate to hear anyone can be organized. In my past I’ve had some terrible doings. I spent too much time in using computer. My life reflected a general state of disorder and chaos. I didn’t even have goals or areas of priority. I procrastinated regularly. None of those were fundamental parts of who I am, and I’ve managed to gain a degree of control over most of them. As a result, my life is more in control, more focused, more fulfilling and more peaceful than it was tree years ago, in spite of the increase in activity and obligation. I still have bad habits but i am doing my part to gain over this behavior. I am too short with people when I disagree. I don’t listen nearly enough. But I know those aren’t part of who I am. Those are bad habits that can eliminate and I’m working to fix them the same way I controlled how I handled my attention or time management challenges. People have a right to expect more from you and you can do nothing about it but to overcome. I would argue that the closer you are in one another in a relationship, the more of an obligation you need to accomplish and listen to them and accept their feedback as well. ironically speaking is that we seem to be more attentive and sensitive to the opinions of people who don’t even know who we truly are. People aggressively monitor and manage their social reputations online, but they tend ti give a little to no attention at the tiniest piece of feedback from those closest to them. You can complain about your professor all you want. But you were there in the classroom to get an activity done. You were there guided by professor that has certain standards of performance and values it cares about. There might be certain things you truly can’t change about yourself, in which case your best option is probably to ignore it. But in most cases, you should probably listen to your professors/boss or colleagues with a humbleness. A good Professor wants to help you develop and grow into a more capable individual, and growth requires changing who you are now to become a better version of yourself. In romantic relationship, both of you should lend your ears to one another and open your heart and mind for improvement as they just want you to become a better you. The best relationships I’ve observed have this attitude. Both partners mutually submit themselves to each other. They listen with loving hearts when the other tells them that a behavior or habit hurts them. They create a virtuous cycle where they’re continually looking to love the other one better. The next time you find yourself expecting and wishing someone loved you for who you really are, check yourself first . It’s likely you’re trying to justify something about yourself that isn’t that great. Be brave enough to examine yourself thoughtfully, to humbly receive feedback from those close to you, to recognize it’s most likely changeable, and to have the conviction to make change happen. Motivate yourself.my post for today will tackle a little bit personal. I hope it will open your eyes to the reality of who we are and the reality of the world . A few months back, my cousin was talking to me about the end of a relationship she had been in for a few years. As she was explaining it from her standpoint,she said she “couldn’t just love her for who she was.” A week after, I had another conversation with someone who had lost her job, apparently because of her attitude and inability to get along with some of her co workers. “I was just keeping it real and saying what’s on my mind,” she told me. “If they can’t respect that, I don’t know what else I could have done.” There is a widespread view that people need to accept other people unequivocally for who they are. To expect you to act in a way contrary to your nature or to change who you are as a person is a completely unreasonable demand. BECAUSE: 1. There are parts of your character or life that are not that awesome. 2. You are not one person.(no man is an island) 3. You are not immutable – most of the traits that make up who you think you are? They’re changeable. 4. It is appropriate for people to expect things of you, to want you to be better than what you are. When your boyfriend tells you you’re too quick to anger or you don’t show him you love him enough, he’s probably right. When your supervisor tells you you are lazy and undisciplined, he or she is probably right. When your buddies tell you you’re arrogant or selfish, they’re probably right. It’s hard to hear we’re not all we think we are. But it’s critical we have a feedback loop to wake us out, because we’re simply incapable realizing and determining ourselves as we truly are. The thing is you know this already. There’s a reason self improvement. You’re willing to listen to some authors of magazines/contents to tell you that all you're hot – why can’t you listen to people who truly know you? This need is magnified for people who are high achievers. It can be easy to get used to hearing about how talented and smart you are, which makes seeing your flaws even more difficult. Most people who are close to you don’t fit this description. It’s more likely the criticism is coming from people who love you and want you to improve . You Have Multiple personalities When people argue others should love them for who they are, they’re ignoring the fact that there are a multitude of personalities living inside of them, battling for control. You are a bundle of paradoxes. You’re energetic and depressed. You’re organized and a slob. You hope and you fear. You’re a good person who fights with unacceptable behavior and arrogance and anger and pettiness on a daily basis. So when you want someone to love you for who you are, which one of you are you talking about? Most or all of your persoality are is changeable. I’m not the person I was 3 years ago. Neither are you. The argument that someone should just love you for who you are is foolish because who you are right now is far different from who you used to b before and who you will become as time goes by. We are constantly in flux. Habits change. People love to hear anyone can be creative. They hate to hear anyone can be organized. In my past I’ve had some terrible doings. I spent too much time in using computer. My life reflected a general state of disorder and chaos. I didn’t even have goals or areas of priority. I procrastinated regularly. None of those were fundamental parts of who I am, and I’ve managed to gain a degree of control over most of them. As a result, my life is more in control, more focused, more fulfilling and more peaceful than it was tree years ago, in spite of the increase in activity and obligation. I still have bad habits but i am doing my part to gain over this behavior. I am too short with people when I disagree. I don’t listen nearly enough. But I know those aren’t part of who I am. Those are bad habits that can eliminate and I’m working to fix them the same way I controlled how I handled my attention or time management challenges. People have a right to expect more from you and you can do nothing about it but to overcome. I would argue that the closer you are in one another in a relationship, the more of an obligation you need to accomplish and listen to them and accept their feedback as well. ironically speaking is that we seem to be more attentive and sensitive to the opinions of people who don’t even know who we truly are. People aggressively monitor and manage their social reputations online, but they tend ti give a little to no attention at the tiniest piece of feedback from those closest to them. You can complain about your professor all you want. But you were there in the classroom to get an activity done. You were there guided by professor that has certain standards of performance and values it cares about. There might be certain things you truly can’t change about yourself, in which case your best option is probably to ignore it. But in most cases, you should probably listen to your professors/boss or colleagues with a humbleness. A good Professor wants to help you develop and grow into a more capable individual, and growth requires changing who you are now to become a better version of yourself. In romantic relationship, both of you should lend your ears to one another and open your heart and mind for improvement as they just want you to become a better you. The best relationships I’ve observed have this attitude. Both partners mutually submit themselves to each other. They listen with loving hearts when the other tells them that a behavior or habit hurts them. They create a virtuous cycle where they’re continually looking to love the other one better. The next time you find yourself expecting and wishing someone loved you for who you really are, check yourself first . It’s likely you’re trying to justify something about yourself that isn’t that great. Be brave enough to examine yourself thoughtfully, to humbly receive feedback from those close to you, to recognize it’s most likely changeable, and to have the conviction to make change happen. Motivate yourself.
